Doing some research on a definition for love after reading Carver's short story "What we talk about when we talk about love", I found an article made by The Guardian, a british newspaper, in which many experts try to explain love.
So, a physicist describes love as chemistry, just like the chemistry that Nick and Laura felt while they were discussing about love drinking Gin. Even though they never used that word to define what they felt for each other, it is understood that all the caresses and holding hands and touching during the reunion mean that they had the urge to do it because their body were releasing chemicals.
A psychotherapist states that there are many types of love. I'd like to mention one that made me recall the reading of Carver's short story: Pragma. Pragma is described as "the mature love that develops over a long period of time between long-term couples and involves actively practising goodwill, commitment, compromise and understanding". This made me think of Mel's story about the old couple in the hospital that just wanted to see each other. And also of Mel's relationship with Terri, who have been a long time together so he feels very attached to her.
Then, a romantic novelist describes love and adds another perspective: "What love is depends on where you are in relation to it. Secure in it, it can feel as mundane and necessary as air – ..... -- Deprived of it, it can feel like an obsession; all consuming, a physical pain". This made me think of Terri's ex lover who wanted to kill her and Mel's opinion on it. I think Ed may have felt deprived of it, that is why it became an obsession and since he could not have her, he wanted to kill her, but ultimately killed himself. He loved her (contrary to what Mel thought), but maybe not in a healthy way.
For me, love can come and go but we are the ones who should learn what is right for us and learn to keep it.
And more than love as a general feeling, the variety of love and the best way to express it. I think not even a doctor can give us a clue of what love is all about ( we see in the story that the cardiologist does not know how to explain it) . It is such a difficult emotion and the only way to deal with it is by living love, suffering love and ultimately growing in love.
ResponderBorrarI agree with Eva and how you depicted love in the story, but not with your personal opinion Beto though. I think that love is also portrayed in Laura and Nick's relationship with Terri and Mel as couple. Laura and Nick gave up their opinion of Love in order not to make the situation ever tenser. Why do I say that? because they never say what love is for them, in order not to contradict Mel, who is proud enough to think that is always right. Laura and Nick had the self sacrifice to think of the other first, instead of trying to impose a determined opinion about love. So in my opinion, that is another way to show love, which is far away from the claims that Mel imposes as real facts.
ResponderBorrarContrary to your and Mel's opinion on love, that is, that love can come and go. I think that there are other terms than can better define your both allegation such as, sexual attraction or impulse, that last during an specific time. Love goes deeply beyond than that, and what the doctors have defined so far. For Me, love is giving up yourself, your pride, your ambitions, and your life, towards someone else. Love means giving up egoism, because someone turns more important than yourself. Love involves soul, brain and heart towards someone. It goes beyond a simple chemical reaction in one part of your body.
'Google it' has become one common sentence nowadays: I use it all the time. It is very intersting that this survey was conducted among different people with different perspectives on life. I do believe, however, that the psychotherapist might have something beyond a personal view point, as I think many others do. I think that in the field of psychotherapy actually tries to gather the human experiences into trying to define them as human conducts, as natural responses to life. I hear it all the time: love is not only between love birds, but among family as well. What this field has to offer is very interesting, as it defines love according to the participants involved and the context in which it is set.
ResponderBorrarAs far as I'm concerned, I think each of the visions of love are right depending on the situation. I've heard many explanations as the one that the physicist gives. I think much of love has to do with chemical reactions inside our bodies, because something has to be working actively in your body for you to feel, in this case, love. Maybe, all this chemical reactions are connected to the others types of love described in the article. To feel that you need desesperately something or someone to could live is mainly a mental process, but mental issues are also connected to the chemistry in our bodies. To mantain love alive you have to take care of it and have a strong compromise with the other person, is not, the feeling starts slowly disappearing. I think it could be compared to making exercise. When you start exercising yourself, after the exercise you feel tired and your body hurts, but, as time passes, your body get udes to this physical pressure, so you have to add more and more pressure everyday so your body keep on working in an effective way.
ResponderBorrarI also agree with Nelson that there are different tyoes of love, different contexts, but I think all of them are related to chemical reactions plus other factors as i mentioned before.